And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
