I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need help removing her.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
