I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
