I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
