Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
