just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
