So drunk, too bad you don't want this
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
