What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
