Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
