Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
