Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
