literally had 100 drinks last night.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
