I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
