I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
