All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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