my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
