Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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