Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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