i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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