he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
where are my eyebrows?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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