shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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