ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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