My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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