I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
