You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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