the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
