My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
