Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
