Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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