I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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