Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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