I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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