You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
