me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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