I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
