True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
