Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
