he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
