ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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