mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
