we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
