If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
