Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
