Where is the hickey?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
