areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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