i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
