the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
