You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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