I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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