Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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