i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
