I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
