he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
