You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
