if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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