im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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