I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
