you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
