I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
