I wish my penis had an off switch
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Vodka?
Forever.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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