By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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